You can't know why people like you.
My therapist recently told me, "You can't know why people like you," and it was one of those rare lightbulb moments. I wanted to talk about some of the thoughts it brought up, in case other people have had similar experiences to me.
I often speculate on why people don't like me, which as you might imagine is a big source of my social anxiety, but for many years I've been pretty sure of the reasons people do like me: I don't start fights, I do what I'm told. That last bit was just blown out of the water.
Maybe it's why many of my teachers liked me, maybe it's even why some of my shittier friends in the past liked me, but if I think at all about those I'm closest with right now, it's not true. I have no idea why they like me. They just do.
Let me put it this way. If I were to describe why I love my partner, I will say something similar to pretty much anyone else who tries to do the same. She's funny, she's adorable, and I feel at home around her. And yet, she's not interchangeable with anyone else who might be described that way. The qualities that I truly love about her escape definition. The same goes for friendships.
I had the realization that I tended to assume that most people approached me, socially, as if I were a dog that needed training. They thanked me, or provided some other positive feedback, in order to reinforce a behavior that I should repeat. They asked me about things that they believed I should be talking about, rather than what they were interested in. They gave me negative feedback like a dirty look or a cold shoulder when they truly wanted to tell me "You shouldn't be acting like that." Never mind if they were having a bad day or I did something I didn't know was triggering to them.
I think this point of view is, at least in part, a product of undiagnosed autism. I probably see social interactions like that because I had to be very active about teaching myself how to fit in. Whenever I interact with people who seem more autistic, I don't feel as oppressed by the need to follow their lead; I can just be myself. I want to start carrying that attitude into interactions with (apparently) allistic people, too.
In other words, not as many people think of me as an unruly animal as I assume. Some people might like me because I do or say things that are a little strange sometimes. And anyway, the qualities that people will end up becoming and staying friends with me for are not ones that can be put into words.