My relationship with media

2025-07-04

I have recently been trying to change my relationship with media.

At some point early in my teen years, I internalized the idea that I could only consume and claim to like media that I identified with, and that anything that I identified with had to be right, both factually and morally. So, if I enjoyed something, it must be right; and if it turned out later to not be right, I must be a horrible person for never having caught that.

Part of me wants to blame these impossibly high standards on the internet that I spent most of my time on as a kid, but it's definitely a combination of way more things than that, and I'm tired of placing blame on an unchangeable cause as a substitute for addressing the effect. The fact is that it was very hard for me to simply enjoy something for a long time. I was (and still kind of am, because old habits) horrified of being shunned by my peers and/or family for accidentally saying or believing something that I didn't know was malicious. And I found it hard to talk about this with others because I worried that they would dissect my guilt and my reaction and deem me irredeemable because I didn't handle being called out correctly.

I'm much better now, probably over a decade since these habits formed, but I realized recently that I still feel this a little bit when I decide on what I should read/watch/listen to. I find myself imagining someone I love cringing a little when I say "I'm watching such-and-such" and thinking up excuses for myself.

Only a month or so ago, I was listening to an audiobook that I was finding very insightful and helpful, then decided to look up some reviews, and promptly entered a thought spiral about how horrible I am for liking it when it had all these problems I hadn't seen at first glance. To some extent I still think that if something is not perfectly correct or untouchable in its artistry, I have no right to like it. If something I like can be criticized for anything, I should just stop liking it.

This is extremely annoying, because as you might have noticed, nothing uncriticizable exists.

So, I am putting down in writing for myself that I am trying to consume¹ media more intuitively now. If I'm curious about it, I should try it! The idea that I will somehow be infected by "bad" media is exactly the kind of mindset that gets books banned, and I believe too much in the free flow of information to stand by that.

I also want to talk more (probably here) about the media I consume. Usually, being too scared that my takes will be shallow or half-baked or will miss something obvious keeps me from writing them, and sometimes from pursuing thoughts about them, but I want to change that.

#art #ethics #media #reflection